A Vampire Beyond The Waistline

A Vampire Beyond The Waistline

Posted by A Great Liar

Did the sexual prowess of a vampire ever exceeded beyond the waistline, not till the world was swept away by the bubonic plague (of literary essence) by the name of twilight. Not till Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart began to cuddle in the scorching sunlight or under the oak trees tirelessly sequel after sequel. 

“Who would want to date a girl who reads twilight?” A friend of mine would often exclaim over lunch, petrified by the injustice done to the vampire creed by Lady Meyers. “I wouldn’t”.

Inevitably that resolution of his narrowed his options down to a considerably degree, since if there is anything a girl lives to achieve in her life, that is to read twilight. And if not all, then just about all of them would eventually end up doing it.

And needless to mention that the iron pumping boyfriends with sexy whiskers can take a back seat. They wouldn’t for all their lives worth be able to do a Pattison even once in their whole lives. Soon most of them will fade into the martyrdom of middle age, with protruding tummies and elevated cholesterol levels. Some of them might even start snoring, and smell of bad hygiene. And I bet it’s all those hairs on his chest, shriveled down with age and greased with sweat, now becoming an inconvenience post midnight hours. 

And let’s be fair. For how long can you share a bed with a non-vampire and remain sane? Hence a lady would always wonder.

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