Sex, Hormones and the God of Proximity

Sex, Hormones and the God of Proximity

Posted by A Great Liar

With the perfectionism of a junkie she fixed herself a cigarette. Her thin bony fingers worked her way around on the table in front, rolling out the cigarette, and all. And soon the air in the room grew dense, with dark whirls of smoke rising slowly.

She coughed after the first couple of puffs, and asked. “You want a bite, Lev”.

“Oh, no thanks.” I replied. “You know I am done with all that.”

She nodded. As the stuff inside the cigarette hit her, she grew more talkative. And next thing I know, she was talking about marriage.

“You believe in getting married.” She asked.

“Well. Yea, kind off.”

“Well.” She chuckled. “You don’t sound too believable.”

Do you? I wanted to ask but didn’t. She was in one of her post-weed sessions and her responses couldn’t be transparent enough.

I recalled the way things are back in the office. Comprising of about hundred odd employees, there have been three examples of meaningful affairs in the last one year or so, and all three cases had one thing in common; Proximity.

I told her about it. And it drew an amusing smile from her.

“Yes, it’s true.” I said. “All the three oh-I-wanna-go-down-the-drain-of-marriage couples in my office have one thing in common. In each case, the concerned guy and a girl sat right next to each other in the hall.”

“Ok.” She said. “But what’s a point?”

“The point is that proximity can work up your hormones like nothing else can. I mean, get a guy and a girl to sit next to each other for a few months, and Voila! next thing you know, they are gone fishin’.” I paused. “All puns intended I mean.” Smiling.

“Doesn’t make sense.” She said.

“I know.” I replied. “And I will tell you what else doesn’t make sense. The compatibility amongst the couples. In one case, the fella looks like he weigh 400 pounds, almost as much as the greyback gorillas of the African continent, and the lady is as light as a doll.” I paused. “With curly hairs, of course.”

She sounded amused. “Tell me more.”

I was glad to continue. “Well, in the second case, the dude is way above six, 6.3 would be my guess, and the lady …., well let’s just say it looks like she drank from one of those weird looking bottles labeled “Drink Me” from Alice in wonderland.” Paused. “But in her case, the potion only worked one way.”

She exclaimed. “You are an ass, Lev.” But I could tell how much she was enjoying this. You would know if the lady protests too much.

I continued. “In the case of the third, I do not have much to say, except they both deserve each other. Dunno how to explain, but she is one of those tough talking brow twistin’ gunlingin’ chic, the kind that hate all men, all but one in her case, and the guy is as soft as an off-season watermelon. You know, the one that has been around in the shelf for too long, and now no one in his right mind would go for it.”

“Don’t be so mean.” She remarked.

“I am not.” I protested. “He is a nice enough chap.” I paused and then said. “Loves shaking hands, you know.” And the smile grew wider. 

“All right”. She said. “Enough bitching for one day I think. Need we not change the topic now?”

I replied. “Oh come on, what else should we rather talk about. I mean, it’s pretty conclusive don’t you think, proximity can work up your hormones like nothing else, and people will go for the mostly unlikely prospects once that happens”.

She mumbled and reached for her pack, now cold dead stoned as her unsteady fingers groped for another cigarette.

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