Friday, January 28, 2011

A Vampire Beyond The Waistline

Posted by A Great Liar

Did the sexual prowess of a vampire ever exceeded beyond the waistline, not till the world was swept away by the bubonic plague (of literary essence) by the name of twilight. Not till Robert Pattison and Kristen Stewart began to cuddle in the scorching sunlight or under the oak trees tirelessly sequel after sequel. 

“Who would want to date a girl who reads twilight?” A friend of mine would often exclaim over lunch, petrified by the injustice done to the vampire creed by Lady Meyers. “I wouldn’t”.

Inevitably that resolution of his narrowed his options down to a considerably degree, since if there is anything a girl lives to achieve in her life, that is to read twilight. And if not all, then just about all of them would eventually end up doing it.
And needless to mention that the iron pumping boyfriends with sexy whiskers can take a back seat. They wouldn’t for all their lives worth be able to do a Pattison even once in their whole lives. Soon most of them will fade into the martyrdom of middle age, with protruding tummies and elevated cholesterol levels. Some of them might even start snoring, and smell of bad hygiene. And I bet it’s all those hairs on his chest, shriveled down with age and greased with sweat, now becoming an inconvenience post midnight hours. 

And let’s be fair. For how long can you share a bed with a non-vampire and remain sane? Hence a lady would always wonder.

[Do leave a comment, it matters..., And if enjoyed what you just read, do follow the blog, it matters just as much


  1. thats quite a witty post...liked ur subtle humor.
    and yeah no girl would remain sane sharing bed with non-vampire....

  2. LOVED it. Been long since someone dissed Twilight with such class.

    Oh and loved your friend's quote.

  3. hmmm....the only thing which I didt like about Vampire that they didn't age....hmmm....

    Ahh...may be that is what the addiction to the TWILIGHT is all about...not to age at all....

    hmm...but anyways...I am one of those old fashioned one...who didn't read Harry Potter and Twilight....and never really want to either....

    By the way...thank for joining...

  4. J its Awesome... 100% agreed with the end of the post seriously no girl would remain sane sharing bed with non-vampire.... :)

    Loved it man! great start on the new blog.

  5. awesome!!I agree...
    congrats for a new blog....

  6. Cool,
    BTY,I'd love 2 meet a vampire myself..:)

  7. @Rolling Stone: Thanks pal. Sometimes sanity is not that big a price to pay.

    @AcetylCholine: *Take a bow*.

    @Thinking: Yes, not aging and couple of other things, like sparkling in the sunlight! And you are welcome.

    @Mooses Hemani: Thanks friend, I am glad you liked it.

    @Harman: Thank you.

    @Muhammad Hamza: Yea, I would like to meet one as well, as long as it is Natalie Portman and not Kristen Stewart.

  8. @Amna K: Thanks for the comment.

    @Smokey_Cat: Thanks. And I just wish somebody do somethin' about Lady Meyers.