Sunday, February 6, 2011

Sex, Hormones and the God of Proximity

Posted by A Great Liar


With the perfectionism of a junkie she fixed herself a cigarette. Her thin bony fingers worked her way around on the table in front, rolling out the cigarette, and all. And soon the air in the room grew dense, with dark whirls of smoke rising slowly.

She coughed after the first couple of puffs, and asked. “You want a bite, Lev”.

“Oh, no thanks.” I replied. “You know I am done with all that.”

She nodded. As the stuff inside the cigarette hit her, she grew more talkative. And next thing I know, she was talking about marriage.

“You believe in getting married.” She asked.

“Well. Yea, kind off.”

“Well.” She chuckled. “You don’t sound too believable.”

Do you? I wanted to ask but didn’t. She was in one of her post-weed sessions and her responses couldn’t be transparent enough.

I recalled the way things are back in the office. Comprising of about hundred odd employees, there have been three examples of meaningful affairs in the last one year or so, and all three cases had one thing in common; Proximity.

I told her about it. And it drew an amusing smile from her.

“Yes, it’s true.” I said. “All the three oh-I-wanna-go-down-the-drain-of-marriage couples in my office have one thing in common. In each case, the concerned guy and a girl sat right next to each other in the hall.”

“Ok.” She said. “But what’s a point?”

“The point is that proximity can work up your hormones like nothing else can. I mean, get a guy and a girl to sit next to each other for a few months, and Voila! next thing you know, they are gone fishin’.” I paused. “All puns intended I mean.” Smiling.

“Doesn’t make sense.” She said.

“I know.” I replied. “And I will tell you what else doesn’t make sense. The compatibility amongst the couples. In one case, the fella looks like he weigh 400 pounds, almost as much as the greyback gorillas of the African continent, and the lady is as light as a doll.” I paused. “With curly hairs, of course.”

She sounded amused. “Tell me more.”

I was glad to continue. “Well, in the second case, the dude is way above six, 6.3 would be my guess, and the lady …., well let’s just say it looks like she drank from one of those weird looking bottles labeled “Drink Me” from Alice in wonderland.” Paused. “But in her case, the potion only worked one way.”

She exclaimed. “You are an ass, Lev.” But I could tell how much she was enjoying this. You would know if the lady protests too much.

I continued. “In the case of the third, I do not have much to say, except they both deserve each other. Dunno how to explain, but she is one of those tough talking brow twistin’ gunlingin’ chic, the kind that hate all men, all but one in her case, and the guy is as soft as an off-season watermelon. You know, the one that has been around in the shelf for too long, and now no one in his right mind would go for it.”

“Don’t be so mean.” She remarked.

“I am not.” I protested. “He is a nice enough chap.” I paused and then said. “Loves shaking hands, you know.” And the smile grew wider. 

“All right”. She said. “Enough bitching for one day I think. Need we not change the topic now?”

I replied. “Oh come on, what else should we rather talk about. I mean, it’s pretty conclusive don’t you think, proximity can work up your hormones like nothing else, and people will go for the mostly unlikely prospects once that happens”.

She mumbled and reached for her pack, now cold dead stoned as her unsteady fingers groped for another cigarette.

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25 comments:

  1. Proximity leading to love..!

    I simply love the idea...and concept..!

    Awesome work. Especially how you use analogies to define an aspect. Awesomely awesome work..!

    Respect. \m/

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  2. Niceeee :)

    Althoughh even i kindda hate marriage.:$ But completely understand the proximity idea :)

    AL:)

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  3. agreeing with the above comments.
    this is going to be a series? i'm looking forward to more stuff with the same characters.
    i like how you added the pictures at the sides!

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  4. Are these characters imaginative? look like very real..but proximity does lead to hormonal thing , but not necessary love unless you get attached to that person sitting everyday around them at work or college or even gym or yoga class..

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  5. Nice work of similes...
    And i really like this stoned gal....
    after all 'friend with weed is a friend indeed'...;)
    and proximity kindles hormones for sure and than size shape and color hardly matters...

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  6. veri nice...really...
    images added here with post are also subjective enough....
    while going through ur posts i think are these really a fiction??? sometimes character here do feel like real one....

    Best wishes,
    irfan

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  7. wow!! you make me speech-less lev....

    you are creative!!

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  8. @Se2: *Take a bow* Thank you. You are being too kind.

    @AL: Believe me, we all did at the tender age of 19, and u bet that nothing works like proximity.

    @Furree Katt: Thanks. And yes, these characters are going to feature in the future works as well. And mind you, none of what I write on my blog is fiction. :)

    @Apurva: Not at all. None of the content on this blog is fictional. Its a "Diary", remember. Thanks for the comment.

    Rolling Stone: Oh I like her too. And especially when she is stoned, because that is only when she makes some sense. ;)

    @IRFANUDDIN: Thank you so much. Oh you bet they feel real, because they are real, :D.

    @Abnormal Thinker: Thanks dude. You are being too kind.

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  9. the mermaid theory? its a 'how i met your mother' thing. Love your style of writing, one of those 'cant take my eyes off it' read! i want moreee!

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  10. I like how well you incorporate dialogue into your stories. :)

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  11. hmmm....ohh...no....please don't say that....

    What should I do now?

    I sit next to....hmmm.....cant even think about it....yaakkkkhhhh.....

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  12. You write like a pro. Narration is gripping. Do think about publishing your fictions or taking up fiction seriously.
    Keep it up dude!

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  13. @AbeerJ: Hi. Thank you so much. Well, you will more, very soon. Do stay in touch.

    @Philophobic: Well, thanks a lot, Philophobic.

    @Thinking: Lol and Ooops! Good luck with that!


    @sulphurdreamz: Thanks man. Absolutely. I am also currently working on my first novel. Hope it work outs well enough!

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  14. Oh never thought this way but its kinda convincing. Proximity does work i guess. Images were really very relevant, loved the post

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  15. Me likes =) Thanks for following my blog =)

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  16. WOW IT'S NOT FICTION? O.O that's really cool in its own way.

    by the way. i changed my URL so you must have lost my blog feed. if you can unfollow my blog and then follow it again, you'll be able to receive updates whenever i post new stuff.
    much appreciated, thank you! http://furreekatt.blogspot.com/

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  17. @Talha: Thanks a lot, man.

    @Aseela Haque: Thank you for reading and for following the blog.

    @Mia Mirza: Many thanks to you as well, welcome aboard.

    @Furree Katt: It does, doesnt it? Nothing works better than a truth told with a "bad" intent :)

    Yes, I just did, unfollowed and then followed again. And its all working now, Thanks!

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  18. when i had first read your blog name i thought you were a girl 0.0. kherr nice posts...they are um.... different.but good :)

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  19. @Maryam Malik: Thanks a lot, for your comment and for following the blog.

    @KWP: Hi, thanks for the comment. Lol, you thought I was girl (or may be you were thinking Justin Bieber)

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  20. great read, after reading each of your posts my minds goes on wondering mode..

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  21. @habloid: Indeed? I always thought my blog posts were bunch of meaningless but wicked little garden gnomes, never realized that they could do some little harm of their own, causing few trivial emotional calamities here and there.

    So thank you. :)

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  22. okay Lev where there is no proximity.. then what???

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  23. @mahlaqa: Well, I suppose then it has to be something really special to make it work.

    Something real, and not strictly circumstantial as the examples above,

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